the messes that i've made

complete chaos.

i want to tell you some stuff.
at the same time i know
people do not come here to
read what i have to say,
because i suddenly felt the need to share
and the need
to express myself.

i understand them.
i am human too.

but what about our voices?
what about words?

can it be that we
are so addicted to all
the visual information
we get

that we have become
ashamed of silence?

about this blog.
i really love and need this place of mine.
neglecting this need to share is not an option.
(sorry, melancholy is taking over)
but it feels
like it's drifting away,

and it's like it has
become this place people visit
to have a quick look at the images
and leave.
(with nothing.)

although it's quite annoying,
i want things to mean something,
i want them to speak
and i think i am afraid of mediocrity
and that that's what this blog
has become.
or maybe always was.

(sarcasm is taking over melancholy...)

i don't know,
it's just stupid.
so many things are stupid.
and i always love to tell
people about the things i find stupid.
i'm such a pessimist. :)


1. people telling me to be positive. UGH.

2. i hate change and everything keeps changing all the time and that is the only thing
that will never change.

3. if i brush my hair, i look like a poodle.

4. people who say they are spontaneous. (i'll decide for myself, thank you.)

5. magazines with celebrities on the cover. i never buy them.

6. celebrities in general.

7. the fact i know the meaning of LBD.

8. the hideous 'shoes' people seem to love these days.
i cannot take them seriously. i mean, MOST women wearing them look like ducks or drunks.

9. LBD in stead of little black dress.

10. american television. tyra banks & jokes you see coming 10 minutes before.

11. television in general.

12. commercials on tv. why oh why do they show a pair of strangely round breasts
in a commercial for low fat cheese?

13. annoying words you cannot 'live' without: beautiful, inspiration, style...

14. when people don't understand my jokes.

15. it is a possibility people do not LIKE my jokes. that hurts.

16. satisfaction does not exist (anymore). we want more.

17. nice images with text in them.

18. bags of crisps are only filled for one quarter.

19. men in skinny jeans. some things i do not want to get used to.

20. originality. i think it's one of the most overrated things.

21. men who want you to think they're intelligent (when they're obviously not.)

22. OMG.

23. we always say: i haven't got the time. no, you don't TAKE the time.

24. spiritual books. at the moment, i am so done with them.
they make me think, while that's exactly the thing i am trying to get rid of.

25. when silence feels uncomfortable.

26. i am very honest with myself and i criticize myself a lot.
but i am afraid i do not have the intention to actually do something about it.

27. some people i do not see often always tell me very enthusiastically how tall i already am.
(excuse me? i haven't grown since more than ten years. but thank you anyway.)

28. opinions. overrated too. we must realize not everyone is dying to listen to our
fantastic, meaningful opinion.

29. most magazines are filled with way too many words.

30. one size (fits all). oh wow! that's so practical!

31. we are running away all the time. from ourselves.
but we do not realize anymore.

32. commenting on a post: where have you got that picture from?
where has politeness gone? you can at least say hello first.

33. not seeing the beauty in the ugly.

34. taking things too seriously. like fashion or sports.
life. ourselves.

35. obsessing. i am really obsessing over my own obsessions.

36. we think we need to make excuses all the time. don't.
it only takes time and how can we ever excuse for the fact that we have been born?

37. chick lit. those 'books' and the ugliness of the word.

38. people who never listen. they only talk.

39. denying our own loneliness.

40. the ridiculous amount of possibilities and the fact that
escaping reality isn't one of them.

please be spontaneous and make this list longer! ;)
criticize me, if you feel like it.
or agree with me. or do nothing.

because i am a pussy
who reallyreally cares a lot
what other people might
think or say:

all of the above words are personal
feelings or opinions,
and should not be taken too seriously.
(but do not underestimate
them either.) ;)


tanvi @ now craving said...

I feel melancholy taking over sometimes as well. I end up submitting to it, and hope it passes. Hope it passes for you, too.

Also, I totally agree with you on #1,2,16,19,26,

The Drifter and the Gypsy said...

Wow! What a truly honest post. You are so brave for writing that. So many of us (including me) feel the same way as you, but are too afraid to write something like that. Too afraid of the consequences, too afraid of what might happen. And I admire you for putting your words and thoughts out in the open like that.

Hope your melancholy goes away, dear Mila.



lee said...

hey most of us feel the same way just dont say it.....i am so over celebrities time to focus on people who are not so self abosorbed

tootlebug said...

Hello there, I am one of those people who drops in on blogs and soaks up the visual posts.... i am very visual, I respond to beauty and ugliness ( my idea of whats ugly may not be yours, same for beauty) I very rarely read whats going on...I skim. But reading what seems true for you today is quite lovely... the essence that magnetises me to anything/anyone is truth.... so thanks for being so honest and opened, sure beets twee......

lisa hart. said...

a breath of fresh air.

Fritzi Marie said...

Oh, my...I had so much fun reading this.

K said...

Seriously - wonderful.
Write more posts like these. Know that you and your thoughts are appreciated.


kelly. said...

i tend to think in the same way when i start feeling melancholy. i enjoyed reading your thoughts... please write more often!

Clouds said...

this was a really really good post. pictures are nice, but i always look forward to reading people's thoughts too. so there. i definitely am looking forward to more if you will...

blind irish pirate said...

Hello. ;)

Airing out the dirty laundry, tis a refreshing thing, isn't it?

poet said...

Hi there. I agree with you and your list of annoying things. I also annoy myself by not commenting more... I too want to say you're brave writing this, but the world should be such that one wouldn't need bravery to express one's honest thoughts and have someone respond...

Lenneke said...

Hi Mila (durf nu geen comment meer te plaatsten zonder hallo te zeggen ;-)

Je lijst 'put a smile on my face'! Toevoeging aan je lijst; Feeling the need om dingen in het engels te zeggen gewoon omdat ze beter klinken.

En 'bullshit'; mensen gaan niet weg zonder iets als ze je blog bezoeken. Wat dacht je van inspiratie, inzicht en zoals ik met een blij gezicht.

Fijn weekend. xx

Jo said...

Hi, beautiful blog.

I love the point you made about how we cannot be satisfied anymore. There are so many choices now, and even if you decide again and again in the end you'll never know if you made the right choices. It's sad.

Anne said...

Haha I love your post, glad you felt the need to express yourself! And I totally agree with your stupid-list :-) I was just thinking how stupid it was that it always starts to rain at the moment I dedide to go outside, but then I made myself another cup of tea and stumbled upon your post - feel much better now :-) So thank's for sharing, have a lovely weekend!

Geri said...

Nice edge! ... we didn´t know you had it in you!! ... I agree to an uncanny degree with almost every point you´ve made!!!! x x x

bibi said...

I think it's perfectly fine to blog about what's on your mind =)

Totally agree with you abou the One size! It's even more ridiculous in Japan that some shoes are only S, M and L!!

Sundari said...

I find what you write when you write about yourself so interesting. You find such beautiful images that we can see you are a very interesting person, so to read more about you is special. I remember writing what I thought was too honest feelings on my blog and nobody really commented. So I'm doing so here, I hope you feel better soon.
I can't think of anything to add to the stupid list at the moment, but will definitely add to it as soon as I think of something.

Chia May said...

wow.. this is a really great post!! i have to agree on most of them....maybe i should write a stupid list too so i won't feel so frustrated all the time! :)

Dutch dreamer said...

hello dear commenters!
thank you all so much for your wonderful comments. you know they mean a lot to me.
sentimental as i am.

that's it i guess. just felt the need to tell you this.

TwoHeartsPath said...

31. we are running away all the time. from ourselves.
but we do not realize anymore.

38. people who never listen. they only talk.

Both of these Struck a Major Chord with me...

The Melancholy hopefully will pass quickly...Sorry you are feeling low...I suffer from bouts of it...With me it just has to run its course...

Hugs and Hopes for Sunnier Days...

Anonymous said...

hi Mila,
I like your blog very much,
but that's just my opinion.

Basht said...

I almost always read your words.
26, 31, and 39 i understand... they sit in the corner of my mind.
We all need a place where we can express ourselves, the good and the bad. If we didn't they would consume us.

Anonymous said...

thank you, i needed this.

heleen said...

Hey Mila, wees alsjeblieft niet bang af en toe wat meer te schrijven op je blog - je hebt een mooie geest en die komt dan wel ook in de foto's die je kiest tot uiting, maar woorden geven toch net een iets concreter beeld. Daarnaast hou ik veel meer van een blog met ├ęchte inhoud ipv gewoon 'leuke plaatjes'.

Dat gezegd zijnde wil ik wel even een kanttekening bij je lijstje plaatsen; spreken nr. 33 en nr. 8 elkaar niet wat tegen?

Anonymous said...

Your blog truly inspires me every morning.
The simplicity of it all is peaceful in the strange world I live in.

Anonymous said...

Just Live. Ultimately..that's all there's to it.

Patricia said...

I want you to know I read your blog each day and look forward to your words. Thanks so much for your time.

katpig said...

hi mila, i really love your honesty and i love to read blogs, i dont think that they should be all about pictures either, and i really enjoyed reading this. it is good to think, even if it is thinking too much, who cares
a stupid thing for me is when people get on to a train without waiting for other people to get off the train, grr its so annoying
-anyway i hope you get some good feedback you were hoping for

Sarah King said...

" + <3

vannessa said...

I just found your blog today, and I already know I'll like it for a long time to come. I love words, and silence is just as important as the barrage. To me, pictures are the counterpart to words, giving us silence to just think for ourselves.

For your stupid list:
The idea that being alone is wrong.
The people that don't try to include you in a conversation or group, even when you're obviously right there and kinda uncomfortable.
Cups that are too small to satisfy any thirst. What is the point?!?

Thanks :)

wildflowers said...

This is such a lovely, honest post :)

Violetta E. said...

amazing pic!

Miki's scrapbook said...

I definitely didn't see this coming here! It was fun to read. Love the pic, hehe.

I was wondering what "LBD" meant. I was going to ggogle it but felt too lazy to. I kept reading and there it was, haha. But now I know what that stands for, too! I wish I didn't, ha.

I agree to many of your statements, by the way; but I'm not pessimistic at all and I like that.



anna said...

Your blog and mediocrity are two things that will never match.
You have the touch of a fairy on everything you do.
You are undoubtably special and talented.
Live fully your melancholy, without opposing it, and then let it go away.


Estera said...

For your stupid list:

When you really care about something and then you write "don't take it too seriously".

So what is the point?

Anonymous said...

some of the best words to live by are "to each his own". I've been to so many countries, witnessed so many cultures....that at first you start to compare and contrast your world to theirs....then you start noticing the contradictions...then you end by accepting, that their is NO POINT to anything...you accept chaos. That's the moment you hope to conquer and in return are given a feeling of total peace and acceptance. and lastly you start to feel your heart is full. I'm not saying one shouldn't feel this or that...but...in the end you have a choice in how to live your day.... xoxox

nadia said...

i am glad i read this, that i did not ust look at th images. what you have writtenis was swirls around in my head all the time lately. their is way too much of one kind of people that is monipolizing everything, from television, to magazines.

it is time to crack the egg!

Emilie said...

Awesome post. And your blog is not mediocre. You have a great eye, and the fact that people come to your space to look at pictures means they trust your taste and expects to see beautiful/interesting/inspiring things here. That's pretty cool, I think. But it's just my opinion ;)

Dutch dreamer said...


i want you to know i really appreciate every single comment on this post. they gave me joy. :)
and they made me think. i am even reconsidering to like thinking, in stead of trying to get rid of it.

KerriAnn said...

Hi. I'm delurking. You're a new to me blog, and I'm truly loving your posts. You have a beautiful aethestic and I love to see and read what you post. Your honesty and openness is appreciated and respected.

Mirinthesky said...

Hello Mila! I was pleasantly surprised by your honest and open post. :) I love that you speak out for yourself, because hey, it might be popular and visited by loads of people, but it is still YOUR blog. And I think your blog isn't mediocre, the fact that it is your personal taste alone makes it not-mediocre. (Some people just paste and copy trends)
If I would have to make a dislike list I would add: superficiality and people who don't care when they hurt other peoples feelings.

Have a nice day! :)
x Mirthe

Sofia B. said...

Lovely little girl. :)


i kinda agree with most (if not with all)
i am rather an auto-critique person and i just h a t e people who seem to be so right at all, and never criticize themselves.

Julie-Inspired said...

I love your words here...and your honesty. I've been in this mode lately where I completely need to do this, like this will make me feel more inspired. Thanks:)


Little Blue Day said...

I share most of the things of your stupid list, i also feel like you.I am tired about people that they are complaining all the time about something in your life, even if they don´t know you. If people look more about themselves, they will left the others to be how they are.
( sorry my english is not very good!)
PS. Since i discover your blog, i need to enter every day, i need your photos like coffeinne.Very inspiring for me.

o l g a said...

i find your page by chance on bloglovin'.

you speak about melancholy. and what's bizzare is that it made me think positive. it brought me back to be optimistic.

unfortunately it's too easy to fall in superficiality.

fortunately there are so many little things that remind you every moment the significance and the beauty of existence. we just have not forget to listen to them.

Kristen said...

HI :)

Firstly I would like to say how much I love the little border to the right of your page....it made my scrolling the bottom of this large amount of comments very lovely. (I am totally amused by very very simple things...this simple thing happens to also be very elegant!)

Secondly.....I wish I would have done this yesterday. I was so frustrated with everything, and honestly I think a list like this would have made me feel like 30x better....but instead I sulked and didn`t feel better till I ate my weight in sushi...have you tried sushi?

Hope by now, your melancholy has passed. I lurve your blog :) And honestly I quite enjoyed reading what you did have to say! You should vent more often.

Cecily said...

I guess I'm a little behind the times, but I just have to say that this post was the most moving, inspirational, honest thing I've read in I don't know how long. I find it pretty amazing that someone from around the globe can reach out the touch you deeply. Thank you thank you thank you.

Natalia said...

Darling, don't ever spend that much time focusing on things you hate ever again. It's like wanting to buy a new dress - you think about it so much all you see is dresses everywhere. It's not about staying positive, it's about not getting trapped in the negative. There are always going to be things that really really suck about life, really doesn't help you any if you dwell on them. Hope this doesn't come off as a criticism - I have the best intentions at heart.

http://kreativiteternas.blogspot.com/ said...

no. 33!!!! uglyness is my best thing. and the beauty in it.

ps: like your blog.