2.13.2010

Thoughts and Paper


(.)

I want to talk about something.
I'm not sure what it really is, but it is going through my mind for some days now and I don't know who I should tell this, so I thought 'why not my dear readers?

It's about this blogging thing.
A few days ago, I was reading this interesting article.
It made me think. Quite deeply actually.
(Can I EVER think NOT deeply about anything??)

The article was about blogging, but mostly about the bloggers itself, who would have other intentions with their blogs than the actual blogging they do.
At least, this was what the author of the article was pointing at.
It was about advertising, sponsors and people just wanting to make money out of blogging.

I never ever doubted my own intentions to blog and I still don't.
But it did made me think about blogging in general and about what I really have to offer with this blogging...
Lately I get insecure more and more about my own blogging.
At first, it was only joy.
I just loved blogging and never thought about other things than just posting things I love.
But maybe something has changed.
Maybe it's the sponsor-thing I wanted and have now...
Sometimes it just doesn't feel right.
However, I would be a liar if I told you it's not a great thing to earn a little bit of extra money by doing the thing you love so much.
I think it's the critiques on advertising and sponsors at blogs I've read and everything always 'touches' me so much.
I truly wish I could care less about other people's opinions, but I guess this is just who I am.

Obviously, I visit other blogs a lot. I love them and they inspire me.
But it also makes me insecure.
Insecure about what my blog looks like, what I blog about and sometimes even (oh, the shame...) how many comments I get in comparison to some of the really BIG blogs.
(Please don't get me wrong, I truly LOVE every comment I receive and I often sit here smiling behind my desk.)
It's like it's never good, never enough, so many people are better than I am, better at blogging, waaay better at anything creative, they have better shops...aaaaah!!

Right now, it's just chaos in my head and I wanted to share this with you.
It's kind of boring, I know.

But I am curious; am I the only one experiencing these kind of thoughts or does anyone recognizes my insecurity about blogging and creating?
I'd love to hear your thoughts...

(Also excuse my poor English today. As I said: chaos.)


(.)

It's about paper now, the beauty of paper!


(Primele via Oh so beautiful paper)

Below some gorgeous packages from several of the participants of last year's Lovely Package Exchange, hosted by the lovely Danni of Oh hello friend.
(She's having another one this year! I'll definitely participate this time!)










(.)

Can you believe this is cut out of paper?


(.)

There's so much more beautiful paper to post,
but I cannot post everything I see, right?
(This is making me crazy sometimes, because it makes me feel like missing out on things...
sometimes it's just too much. Am I going nuts?)

41 comments:

anywheredreams said...

i feel like that sometimes too, but mostly i end up thinking that it's my own blog and I write what i like in it xD thats whats so fun with blogging i think, you can write whatever you want ^^

lovely pictures as always <3

AH said...

your blog is one of the very best out there! it's a constant inspiration to me (and i'm sure many others). i only just started my own blog, and haven't got that many readers, but for me it's really about having somewhere to post all the lovely photos that inspire me, maybe in hope of inspiring another person too, but mostly to have somewhere to "collect it" if you know what i mean..

A Beautiful Party said...

is mercury or some planet in retrograde? i feel like insecurity is in the air right now. I feel the exact same way. i even have a blog about not feeling good enough. I feel like no matter how hard I try I just can't get it right. I think that we blog because we love it and we want to share but I also think it's natural to want to succeed, and succeeding in blogs means having a following, having sponsors, all these things so you can comfortably put the time into doing the thing you love. I always look to your blog for inspiring beauty. It feels like what you do is natural, you are just finding gorgeous things and sharing them with all of us and I am certainly appreciative of it. I'm in love with the blog community, in love! it's a bunch of amazing people who get together and share.
I hope that your insecurities are quickly gone. I'm working on pushing mine away. Just keep doing what you're doing. You're doing an amazing job!
take care.

Rachel Follett said...

I can definitely relate to what your feeling. I was in a similar mood actually yesterday. I feel like my work will never be good enough and what am I doing wrong? It seems that popularity comes naturally for some and maybe its just that it looks like its easy for them from where I sit. Just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one! Your blog is absolutely beautiful and I love your style and will always keep coming back. :)

Juultje said...

I agree with you and can recognize myself as well. I also look at other blogs wondering what makes their blogs do so well. Trying to improve myself, but staying true to myself. Doing well means getting lots of comments and yes.. sponsors Sponsors don't pick random blogs, its kind of a marketing for them, the blogs has to suit their products. They would not pick if they did not think you have style and class.

I love getting comments, it means people read my blog and like it. Its proof enough isn't it? I value them and they bring a smile to my face. I love your blog and I check it daily. Please keep on doing what you do and getting the attention means you are worth it. And you are just as good as the other bloggers, seeing you have sponsors, comments and followers, you are good at it. Who doesn't want earning money and doing something they love. You have talent for finding nice stuff.

Blogging is addictive, isn't it? But so much fun.

Kelley Anne said...

Mila, I love your blog. Its so beautiful and inspiring. I read it all the time. I'm sorry I haven't commented more. I know what you mean about insecurity related to blogging. But I try to just think about it as something that I really enjoy creating and doing and that I'm making friends with people with similar interests. I also don't think there's anything wrong with making money from one's blog if that's what a person wants to do.

Your blog is special and wonderful. It was one of the first ones that I started following when I first discovered blogs and I still enjoy reading it now a year later. I think everyone has something to contribute and there are lots of people who love your contribution, including me:)

Nana said...

I think everyone who has a blog feels like that! But if you feel you have something to share, something else to offer than other bloggers do, you shold keep on doing it! I love your blog,and I read it via google reader for over a year now, even if this is the first time I leave a comment. So, feel better :D

Beezle said...

I've stopped blogging because I don't know what to do with mine anymore. I don't want it to become big, I just wanted it to be a place my friends visited so they could see what inspires me. But the lack of feedback made me stop and I have no intention of starting again.

I think once you know why you started your blog and you can see where you want to go with it and you know how to get people to look at it and give you feedback then you're fine. I think you're fine.

Claire said...

To me, creativity doesn't stand still. Its an on-going, ever-changing stream of beauty that is within some people so strongly that it can't help but flow out and be shown and shared. I love your blog, the magical ideas that you bring and the whimsical pictures you post give me warm fuzzies inside... so be encouraged! I have been planning to start a blog for awhile now, but i have also had thoughts of doubt, of not being good enough. So if you are needing re-assurance, please take these complements to heart because they come from mine! I think your blog is amazing. full stop. and i will continue to follow it. :)

muchlove said...

dearest Mila,
I know what you mean. When I started offering sponsorship on my blog, I did (and sometimes still do) wonder if my readers think that my blog is not genuinely from my heart and if I'm doing it for the money. So I do get that insecure feeling too, but at the end of the day, I blog for myself - and I know you do too - which is all that really matters. Even if I didn't get any advertisers, it wouldn't change my blogging content. I think your blog is so original and beautiful, I always look forward to your inspirational posts.

xx

PS. sorry if none of that rambling made sense!

Lila said...

It is a really common thing to worry about how sincere you are being and how much integrity you have when it comes to money issues- not just blogging but for everything! For example, my husband sometimes works for mining companies- we don't like the mining industry very much but at the moment its the best money he can get and we need the money. I don't think that makes us bad people but I do worry sometimes. Just like sponsorship (not as bad as mining industry!) but same sort of thing- you want to blog and make things but you need money to do that and for you to create the life you want so getting sponsorship is just a practical way of doing that. We might not like it much but we live in a world where money controls us quite a bit and we have to be able to manipulate that control a bit so we aren't helpless but we should also continuously remind ourselves of who we are and not get too caught up in the money thing. You have nothing to worry about- your blog is wonderful!

The Wanderers' Daughter said...

You are not the only one. Blogs are an evolving medium. I love to blog, and I have always chosen not to look for sponsors. That said, my blogs are based around my daughter, and that is a very personal thing. I think everyone's blog experience is unique, and there is no shame in making it into a business. Like snowflakes, no two blogs are the same, and that's what makes us keep looking. OX

jyhee said...

Mila,

I usually don't leave comments on your blog (to be honest, I have scarcely ever written on any of the websites I often visit), but I wanted to show you how much I appreciate the photos and the thoughts that you put up and also, in part, to remind you that there are many "invisible" readers like me who often come to your site. I suppose it is because, unlike most of the other blogs I've seen, yours exists to perform (and does perform effectively) a crucial function: that is, helping people to see. See the beauty that exists in the world that people usually do not take the time to see. Georgia O'Keefe once said that "to see takes time just as getting to know a friend takes time". Being able to see is not dependent on having a greater or lesser intelligence, but on being able to slow down and observe the wonders around you. Your blog gives people the chance to see what they've missed--perhaps that flower they ignored on their way to work or a poem whose beauty they could not appreciate because they were so tired.

Please, you shouldn't let this insecurity overtake you. There is simply no need for it. Because, though, of course, you try your hardest to make this blog as beautiful as you can make it, isn't that secondary to joy and the love you feel when creating/maintaining this site? And isn't it wonderful that you can see such beauty in life and express that? And, even if no one was reading this blog, wouldn't you still be posting? You said that, at first, joy was your motivator behind your blogging. If you think of only that joy, it will help override the insecurity.

Because that insecurity, despite the fact that it is a natural thing,is a feeling born of an illusion--an illusion that there is a best and a worst, that a blog has something to offer and another blog that doesn't, that everything can be ranked and that everyone must participate in an unceasing rat race to the top. Desiring to be the "best"--that is, ranked 1 by the "objective" critics--and doing something only to fulfill that desire is not only dangerous, but futile. No one can always stand at the top; someone will always overtake you or be overtaken by you and who knows how objective the critics are, anyways. My point is, you will never really know. And frankly, being driven by this illusion will make you mad. So, go back to the beginning. To the joy you felt. That's the only thing that matters. The only thing that should matter.

I'm not saying that it's easy to free yourself of this illusion, that it's wrong for you to feel insecure at all because it's not. The fight with this insecurity is something that lasts a lifetime; it will continue to hound you, even when you think you've won. Most people won't ever be able to win against it and will be forever stuck trying to be more intelligent or more pretty or more wealthy than the others. And they'll forever live in fear that they won't be enough, have enough. And they'll despair and hate themselves when they aren't enough, according to the absurd standards they've set themselves.

The solution to this "rat race"--this illusion, this cruel cycle--is best expressed, I think, in the words you once posted. It is an excerpt that you translated from the "Night Train to Lisbon": "When they abstain from us their devotion, respect and admission, why can't we just say to them, I don't need all of that. I have myself. Isn't it a terrible kind of un-freedom that we can't do that?" Mila, you're you. Your blog is yours alone. It's all so beautiful the way it is, in itself. Isn't that enough?

I'm sorry about the long rant. I felt compelled to say all of these things for some reason. I would like to close all of this babbling with a quote from Coco Chanel that has recently become a favorite of mine: "How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone".

Kristina Kvåle said...

You are definitely not alone with these thoughts! I feel that way all the time! Of course i have a much smaller blog then yours and i do not have a sponsor, nor have i tried to get one. But what i recognize is the feeling of inadequacy and always comparing yourself, your work, your life to others, and coming up short. i think everyone is like this, or, at least i hope so, i would hate to think that i am the only one.
what i have learned, or, better put, what i believe to be true, is that there are no comparisons. people are different, no one sees the world exactly the same, no does anything exactly the same, no one is the same. it is ludicrous to think otherwise. this is actually a topic i have spent a long time thinking about and pondering over, and i think the best way to put is that all is beautiful in its own way, we should not do things mainstream rather than just living the way we want to. i think that do things our way and the best that we can, to be able to think "i did my best" is the best we can do... i hope you made sense of this, tihi :) your blog is amazing, keep up the good work!

bibi said...

Have more confidence in yourself, because i think your blog is very inspiring =)
I check your blog daily!

But perhaps I can understand the insecurity. For my part, I always wanted to start a public blog to my my own work, my photographs. But I have no such courage. So i started out with Flickr first, and eventually I started to post in DeviantArt too. I'm still pondering if i should start a public blog. I'm no good with words =(

As for you, don't lose hope =) you'll do fine!

Eveline said...

I recently read the quote: try to be authentic!!!!!!!

I think that is what it is all about in life: have the courage to be yourself, even if you think, comparing to others, that that is nog enough.

Every human being is a unique person. I admire people who show others what really touches them. It takes courage to be like that.

And I know that you have that courage, maybe more than other people.

I hope you will continue your blog, it is and will always be inspiring to others.

Love, Eefje

Trisha said...

I've to be honest and tell you that I don't have a blog. I really would like to blog, but I know myself, I wouldn't be a regular blogger.. But about you. I really, really like your blog. On your blog, you can find the most beautiful stuff there is. You're really a big inspiration. Most of the times, your blog makes me smile. This isn't really a answer to your questions but I wanted to tell you this. There is nothing to be insecure of. Sorry voor mijn slechte Engels, chaos hè, haha.

essa stessa said...

Hello Mila,

my english is too bad to tell you exactly what i want but i try ...
there will always be people better than you , than me, than everyone ,but it doesn 't matter ! the most important is to be true , be sincere ,be yourself , and it 's for that your blog is so amazing
and sponsors don't change that sincerity !
you are a very talented girl , never give up ...

brownhairblueribbon said...

Hi, I am a reader subscriber and a lurker and the day before Pip wrote that post on Make & Meaning I wrote one about why I blog... Its something I think we all think about as it (blogging) is (I feel) simultaneously narcissistic & unselfish; we are saying here! look! at me!, and here, look, at me. (If you know what I mean - one part waving, one part exposing the soft belly of our thoughts!)
I think you have a brilliant blog and it is a treat to have you create and share it with us all. Thank you.

Sue said...

This is my first visit to your blog - and it's so lovely, and you've already touched such a chord with me. I think we all get insecure, or fried, or doubting - it's probably that same old thing regarding the flatness of the written word. Even if someone leaves you a compliment, you don't get to see the expression on their face, and know that they mean it.
I'm adding you to my reader list - I'll definitely be back. Thank you so much for your openness.

Fleur said...

I know what you mean, and I also always compare myself to other people and to other blogs. It's insecurity and that's normal. But it's not needed. Your blog is really great and I admire you writing beautiful messages. I appreciate your openness to us.

You're doing great and I hope you'll continue writing these lovely blogs.

Love,
Fleur

Annydesign said...

I wanted to say hello and that I love your blog, we have lil different stiles but it`s not important`! Important is that you do your things with heart and passion..if you live with open heart it`s also make you unsecure sometimes..keep doing what you do the best and dont look or take so seriously others !There is always somebody to envy you..
Happy Valentine`s Day !!

Nathalie said...

Lieve Mila,

Ik herken je twijfels en je twijfels over die twijfels. Ook ik laat me vaak beïnvloeden door dingen die ik hoor, of door wat andere mensen denken of zouden kunnen denken.

En is dat niet jammer?

We besteden zoveel tijd aan negatieve gedachtes, dat we tijd mislopen om zelf te creëren. Hoe zou het leven er uit zien zonder de angst nooit goed genoeg te zijn?

En lief meisje, je kijkt omhoog naar andere blogs maar ik wilde je laten weten dat jij voor mij juist zo'n blog hebt om naar op te kijken. Je hebt zoveel fantastische lezers, die elke dag de tijd nemen om een berichtje voor je achter te laten. En je creëert op het snelle internet een rustig plekje.

En ik denk dat dat iets is om trots op te zijn. Je bent goed genoeg :)

Meiry said...

heyyy,
your blog is new to me....
i discovered your blog last friday, and i have to say, can't stop reading....
soooo much love here....it seems that i found myself here...i really do....thanks girl...great job.
kiss from brazil

CS said...

Mila- I've never commented before, but I felt compelled to comment today because I love how open you were about your insecurities about the blog. I've been reading yours consistently for a long time, and you should know that something about your stands out among all of the rest. It's effortless, beautiful honesty. It doesn't try to hard- in fact it doesn't try at all. It just flows spontaneously and gracefully, just like the clothing, poetry, and emotions you feature. Put those worries out of your mind... they're normal, but not necessary. You're amazing.

MissMadeline said...

of all the blogs i visit and follow, i NEVER skip any of your posts. i love the pictures and the words you present to us. i've started blogging VERY recently, and i'm sure NO ONE reads my blog. :] but that's okay, because i;m not even sure what kind of blog it is. i think i just like to spout off and add pictures.

your blog celebrates a lot of lovely things. creativity, beauty, love, just plain sweetness.

i can tell you, that as an artist, seeing these dreamy lovely things makes me happy, and it inspires me. sponsor or no sponsor, i love it.

Sacred Gypsy said...

Mila first let me say I love your blog, it's one of a small handful I check daily without fail.

I think your thoughts and feelings are very natural...the same that many of us have. I don't blog, probably because I would be filled with the same hesitations, but I do surf the blogs, flickr, tumblr etc. on a regular basis. And I am still filled with the same thoughts...I am not creative enough, I could never do anything as well as so and so, why do I even bother looking, etc., etc. This is one of the pitfalls of the internet shrinking our world to the space or our living rooms....it has made us more aware of what is out there and we feel inadequate because of it at times. But just putting yourself out there every day shows that you can and do overcome the fears. And it's worth it. It's a big world and we all have something valuable to share...there will always be someone that takes pleasure in what you do.
Deb

Geri said...

This is the first time I leave a comment on your blog! ... but I visit almost daily.

It is such an inspiring site and you should feel very proud for the treasure hunt you do! ... my blog is, as you say, intended to support a proyect, and I wish it was as succesful as yours (nowhere near, trust me!!!) ... There is nothing to feel sad about, you have an audience and I am sure you would always be sure to get sponsors in whom you believe and are proud of "advertising"

I wish you all the luck and thank you for being so honest!

Mo said...

I read that same article and sort of went through the same feelings. I don't do any sponserships, or pepper my posts with words that would get a google hit, but I do look at other blogs that inspire me, which in turn can sometimes depress me! As long as you are blogging for yourself, and doing it how you want to do it...I think that is the most important thing.


You are YOU! And that's the best. ♥

Mo said...

I read that same article and sort of went through the same feelings. I don't do any sponserships, or pepper my posts with words that would get a google hit, but I do look at other blogs that inspire me, which in turn can sometimes depress me! As long as you are blogging for yourself, and doing it how you want to do it...I think that is the most important thing.


You are YOU! And that's the best. ♥

B said...

Oh, I've been there. I think it's part of blogging, this insecurity, there is so much wonderful inspiration out there that it feels overwhelming.
But don't worry about the sponsors, you have all the right to do it, it's your blog and as long as you keep it honest, I'm sure that's fine with your readers!

kat said...

Mila
thankyou for being brave in sharing from your heart in this post.
Your blog is unique, your voice and your look here unique
that's what makes it a joy to visit. Don't change.

Your content is always what you love and what you find.
It's natural that we worry about being enough at times both in ourselves and in terms of blogs
But you are enough just as you are honey you do a beautiful job here
love n butterflies Kat xox

sofia said...

Hello, Mila

First of all let me tell you that I simply love your blog, but I get your insecurities about it. It's normal to think "is it enough?"
I know this is just my opinion, and it might doesn't mean a bit thing to you, but I must say it.
I'm an artist, so, a creative person. And I must say that your blog is in my favourite's list for being a source of inspiration. It made me think (yes, I'm a compulsive thinker like you.. I think too much.. grr..). Don't think please that I use the photos that you post and use it on my works.. relax ;) I don't. But they are so so so beautiful that makes my brain working in that direction: beautifulness.. :)
And for that I must thank you, dear Mila. Thank you for inspiring me and much others.
Even the other day I was talking to a friend who was preety sad and I've send her the link to your blog, because I think it has this "smiling efect" on people.
So, if you ask me "Is it enough?" I must say "Yes, it is."

A big kiss all away from Portugal* and please keep doing what you do ^^,

ps: sorry, my english is not that good neither...

Helen Cuthbert said...

hello your blog is lovely and I know exactly what you mean. I get so overwhelmed by it all going from one beautiful post on a blog to another beautiful post, I just end up giving up and thinking well I can never have time to look at it all. But that is ok! You shouldn't feel insecure as you obviously do it because you love it and that's why we all do it I think :0)

POPPY FRENCH said...

you have a lovely blog and it very pretty and you always show wonderful things!
You just have to think if no one read your blog would you still do it? I know from google analytics that not many people read my blog but I still want to write it, kind of like diary that I know I would never get around to doing in real life. On here its easy! xxx

Jenny Luck said...

i know exactly what you mean. my blog seems different to anyone elses ive seen, i'm a fine artist so mines based on work that i do, but most blogs i see are about fashion. i love reading them, i love the whole blogging community, but it always seems like mines the rubbish one because its different to everyone elses. i dont have many followers, but i follow alot of people especially that do fashion as i learn tips from them. i just hope one day someone will see mine and think that they'll get ideas from mine. i am new to this, but hopefully i'll get the hang of it in time.
keep up the good work, your blog is great! follow mine if you wish (although its not about fashion etc).

virginia said...

I love, is beautiful

Pip Lincolne said...

Oh Mila,
Your blog is beautiful. And you post from the heart and share the things you are passionate about. What could be better then that?!
xx

Ingrid said...

hello, lovely.

i just came across your blog from micaela's over at the drifter and the gypsy.. great guest post!

i have a sneaking suspicion that every blogger suffers these same insecurities and fears. i know i do. some days i think i'm being professional and well-written and interesting, and other days i feel all muddled and too personal and uninteresting and, well, crappy. i feel like i have changed quite a bit since i first began blogging, and i'm not sure i like it.

i feel more invested in my readers, and i worry about how i appear to them and if they enjoy what i write, and if it is a good thing that i want to share more personal things now that i have made some blogging friends.

i am blessed to receive many wonderful comments, and i am grateful for every one - but sometimes i wish for more. actually, i always wish for more.

you're definitely not alone in this.. i think your blog is beautiful. keep up the good work, post what you love, and let your blog grow as you grow!
with love,

sea lady said...

I have to say I have the exact same thoughts going over and over in my head often. I have just discoverd your blog and its seems gorgeous.

Here is mine....its still quite new.

http://keenies.blogspot.com/

Dont worry...do it because you enjoy it..thats why I do.

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